Grimace and the Comb-over

So my walking experience wasn't that great yesterday. First of all, because I just didn't want to be there. Second of all, because I was down-wind of some serious poo smells. THIRD of all...because it was rather breezy in Oklahoma yesterday...aka...wind shear and my super hair-sprayed bangs kept blowing straight up in the air in great Trump-style. I could see this in my shadow as I walked...and it annoyed me. It already annoys me to watch my Grimace shadow walking...you know...purple odd-shaped Grimace from McDonald's? If you were born in the Century AFTER me - you won't have a clue who I'm talking about - so whatever. Oh yeah - and whomever thought it was smart to have men playing softball in an area where people WALK? You're brilliant. I mean seriously...I'm walking around the field and they hit the ball and the guy NEXT to me in the grass is near me trying to catch it. So I was just waiting for my comb-over to get nailed with the ball. I so would have been all Donald Trump comb-over with that guy...You're Fired.

May the Lord Bless You and Your Pet!

Saturday I took precious one to a Pet Blessing at a church I visited last weekend. How cute is that??? Let me just say upfront - she is NOT a social dog. She is used to being the ruler of the house and does not take kindly to other animals being around her. Kinda snotty of her huh? Usually I am mortified by her behavior at the vet because she likes to growl at the other dogs that walk up to her to say hi. You would think by looking at her cute self that she'd have a 'i'm cute and love everyone personality'...well she loves all humans - just not all animals. My mom was a little concerned about taking her to this event, and I was a little nervous about it too. So I went to Target and bought her a new girlie collar and leash to try and make up for what her behavior might be like. When we got to the church parking lot, it was so busy with other owners and their four-legged kiddos. So many cute doggies...and what appeared to be a lizard or gecko or something in a container. Overall, she did okay. She did growl and carry on, but in her defense - other dogs were doing the same thing and some were sniffing her hiney - which, I wouldn't like that either! Not having human children (thank goodness), I can only imagine what happened next to be like when you're at a play date or other 2-legged child event. While the young girl was singing at the beginning of the ceremony, this dog behind us starts barking and yapping uncontrollably - which then caused all the other parents to turn around to see..."whose child is misbehaving???" I was rather amused by this because you know they were all silently glad that it wasn't THEIR dog behaving that way. How appalling! You could almost sense that at the next doggy playdate in the 'burbs, that dog and their 'bad parents' were going to be a topic of discussion. But anyway, back to the blessing. When it came time for her turn, I plopped her on the table and she began to shake like a leaf. I later realized that she probably thought she was at the vet and was about to have something shoved in her bum or have a shot or something un-fun like that. Poor thing. But the pastor petted her and asked me what her name was, how old she was and a quality that she has that I like. Well I just rambled off Loyal.....DUH - all dogs are loyal, what kind of generic answer was that?? I should have said - well look at her - she's the cutest thing EVER! Her Mimi stood off to the side and took pictures of her being blessed (which I'm sure she's the MOST Blessed dog there was!), so I'll have to post pics at some point if I can figure out how to do that on here. She then had a Pet Blessing Certificate issued to her and we went home. I asked her after we got home if she felt more spiritual yet...but I think she was probably more concerned about when her boyfriend, Rocky the Raccoon might come over after I leave. She did, however, sleep all night in the house last night, in her bed, on the floor of my bedroom - so maybe she's been blessed to not bark all night at ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

It's the Lortab Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown!

I'm putting a disclaimer out there right now...I am in no way condoning the use of pain killers in your everyday TV viewing. However, if you are in some sort of predicament where one is required...I've found that watching "It's the Easter Beagle", is much funnier after you have taken a Lortab.

Horton Hears a Whole Lot of Loud Kids

So my sis and the kiddos and I went to see Horton Hears a Who on Saturday...you know...opening weekend...spring break weekend...the weekend of a gazillion kids. It was such a cute movie and so funny. My sis and I were cackling louder than the kids. Of course my 12 year old niece acted like she wanted to die a thousand deaths because she was at this movie...since it didn't involve boys or blood and guts. Me - being the super kid-friendly person that I am (not)...had the pure joy of having two strange kids sit next to me (not the niece and nephew - even stranger than them), because the theater was so crowded, the mom and dad had to put them next to me and then sit in the row in front of them. Plus there were other kids - babies/toddlers, whatever...SCREAMING in there. WHY?WHY?WHY? bring kids that little that aren't going to even really GET that they're at a movie? I mean, if you're too young to know what popcorn is - you're too young to be in a movie. Can I get an AMEN? My nephew - bless his little Horton heart - BROUGHT his stuffed Horton to the movie...and out of the corner of my eye, I keep seeing this protuding trunk from his lap...nice. I, of course, had my splurge snack and got nachos and a Mr. Pibb. It was beautiful. I'm not used to drinking that much sweet soda, ever since I started the whole Jenny Craig neo-natzi lifestyle...and I could really tell that I wasn't used to it. Would I get it again? uhhhh...in a heartbeat.

Driving the Batmobile and Parking Garages

Okay - there are so many times that I wish I drove the Batmobile. People's driving...DRIVES ME CRAZY. Yesterday I had slow people puttering along in front of me...and then I have the psychotic fast drivers behind me. Therefore, my need to drive the Batmobile. Slow people in front...get moved out of my way with my front-end Bat Rockets. People that think they are above the speed limit tailing me...become vapors with my tail-end Bat Vapor Rockets. Just so you know...if I did drive the Batmobile...99% of the time I'd drive it with the power of good in mind...it's just you other 1%-ers out there where I use my power for evil.

On a different note...I'm pulling into the parking garage at work this morning and as I'm coming around the ramp onto the 2nd floor...where all the priviledged people have reserved parking...I see this car...half-way up on the curb TRYING TO PARK. Okay, first of all....seriously? up on the curb is how you pull into a parking space??? So about the time I get to him (yes...it wasn't a chick but a DUDE)...he's trying to back himself off the curb and pull into the parking space. I'm of course laughing because this is just too funny to me...unlike yesterday when I backed into the cement pole trying to back into my space...but it's not about me right now. About the time I get out of my car....here curb-parker comes around the corner...puttering along like he's NEVER been in a parking garage before....which is kooky because I parked next to him YESTERDAY. Sooo apparently in 24 hours he's forgotten how to park in a parking garage. Oh and I guess he realized that where his curb-job was previously done....was a RESERVED spot, so he had to come back up to level 3, with the rest of us, to park like a normal minion.

Walk Like An Egyptian

...So I walked my grande' hiney off last night. Yay me...In my mind I was going to walk 3 miles and not worry about hoofing it like Seabiscuit, but at a faster than normal pace, so I didn't look like a turtle out there. Well, then I started to punk out again and was going to stop at 2 1/2 miles. But then I look like a doof when I turn around part-way. It doesn't matter to me that I do that, if there aren't other people walking that I have to turn around in front of. Then the whole "well you walked too slow for only 2 1/2 miles goober"...so as I was heading towards the extra 1/2 mile mark, I picked up my pace - which is always a joy...since I was already tired. Once I got to the 1/2 mile mark, I decided to just suck it up and go all the way around a 2nd time. Then I felt like I wanted to die...as I usually do when I go walking. But on the plus side...track suit guy didn't speak to me - which was good...'cause he kind of creeps me out.

Happy Easter Great Pumpkin

Okay....soooo...it's almost Easter - with a brief stopover of St Paddy's beforehand and there are people with PUMPKINS still sitting out. What is that about???? This street I drive down everyday going to and coming home from work, has a house with pumpkins on the porch. I wonder if they hang out with the people down the street that still have out their snowman...which by the way, has been out since I started driving that way to work....LAST APRIL. Weirdos!

Commercial Vacuum Cleaners

...I'm now scared of them. The other day at work, the cleaning guy (I get here in the wee hours) set this smaller version Zamboni-looking vacuum cleaner to the side while he went to plug it in. I'm walking down the hall in that direction with my jug 'o water (blah) and my breakfast lean pocket. Very nice cleaning dude plugs in the vacuum and this thing powers up and starts moving on its own! So I'm staying on the right side of the hall and it's like a Stephen King vacuum cleaner motoring down the hall....again....ON ITS OWN. So I'm thinking that surely I can get past it before it sees me...yes...I think it saw me. Well, the thing picks up speed about the time I get even with it and it T U R N S in my direction.....NO LIE...and I had to HOP out of it's way and I made kind of a...EEK sound....well it's still on the path towards me...apparently it wanted my breakfast pocket and water as well. Nice cleaning guy runs up behind me and has to put his foot out and stop it before it attacks me....which he then says....sorry about that. So from now on when I see it....I'm pretty sure it's doing that thing with the fingers and the eyes like when you're watching someone?...hey you - i'm watching you....VROOM VROOM.

Bloggin' doggin' Day 2! Exercise Shmexercise!

Okay - so I'll have to post a day later on all the excitement that happens in my life...'cause I'm one of the last poor shmucks that doesn't have a computer at home right now. Woe is me.

Sooo yesterday I completely punked out on my exercise. I didn't go to the park as soon as I got home from work - which is key for me. Instead I ate take-out mexican and watched the host chat from Regis and Kelly. After sitting in my chair, watching Oprah and feeling like a nacho pig, I got up and went to the park about 6:15. Yea me! Walked around once and called it good - bad me! So yeah....total punk about the walking yesterday. And to think - I was going to walk around twice.....but that obviously didn't happen. Plus, I was feeling blucky from walking after eating all that food...what a doof. On another note - I got to avoid making small talk in passing with this guy that has now decided instead of just smiling and saying hi - he wants to ask how I'm doing. First of all - I'm walking and I hate it - so that's how I'm doing. Second of all...well...I don't want to make small talk when I'm walking....I'm focusing on not falling down.

After my punk walk - I went home and played hide and go seek with my blind dog. Oh she loves it - stop acting like that's mean. I made up for it by snuggling with her in the chair for awhile and we watched Eli Stone - well...I watched it, she just vegged in my lap and kept reminding me that I was a slave to petting her. The time change kicks my butt every year and I think by 8:00 (which was really 7:00)...my body was like...it's time for bed...'cause after that punk walk - you're probably really exhausted, huh? My body can be so rude.

A New Day For This Blogger!

It appears I've created a blog today! Yippee for me! Now I can vent randomness more freely!